Wal-Mart for Hyde Park...
...cont'd from page 1
of kindred priorities emerged Wal-Mart and HPBC's joint partnership in what is to be officially known as the "Wal-Bap Worshopping Supercenter" -- whose chief selling point, of course, will be its ability to satisfy all of its customers' spiritual and retail needs in the course of a single trip.
In view of the immense potential marketing appeal of such a complex, it is no surprise that its new parking garage is slated to be nine stories high, and will incorporate sophisticated new design features such as SUV-only lanes, and for the first time, brightly-colored arrows to aid drivers in figuring out how to enter and exit the building. But notwithstanding these improvements, planners were keenly aware that it was "only a matter of time" before additional parking would be needed. It is for this reason that an interstate trade agreement has been finalized which will enable project principals to trade Shipe Park for what they termed "significant acreage" in Arkansas, and convert the park to surface parking for overflow traffic from the Wal-Bap complex. (Note: Neighbors are invited to a church-sponsored ceremony marking the park's rededication as Shipe Parking Lot, which has been scheduled for April 11th, Easter Sunday, at dawn.)
Once paved, Shipe will be connected to the Supercenter complex by a customized light rail shuttle service, utilizing the original and soon-to-be exhumed trolley car lines that ran through the neighborhood early in the previous century. Pressed by reporters about how such a shuttle service could have been approved in the absence of any public vote, Suttle dismissed as "sheer coincidence" the fact that current Capitol Metro Board Chairman Lee Walker not only owns property along the proposed light rail route on Ave. G, but also has a number of friends and associates who allegedly have either attended Baptist services at some point in their lives, and/or have shopped at Wal-Mart.
In reflecting on how it had been possible to conceive and execute so complex a real estate project in such a short amount of time, Suttle hastened to give "a lot of the credit" to U.S. Representative and House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. "Used to be," mused Mr. Suttle, "it seemed like nothing ever got accomplished around here. But now that that d--n Doggett's down in the Valley, Praise the Lord, anything's possible!"
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